


the door is open, but the toll is still unpaid

by mutemelody



Series: disharmonious inspiration [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't worry they work through it, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Multi, Ninja therapy is a thing because I said so that's why, Not Canon Compliant, POV Uchiha Obito, Pre-Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sloaners SSSSSFiesta 2019, Team Minato-centric, Uchiha Obito-centric, for the KakaObiRin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 07:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19313779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutemelody/pseuds/mutemelody
Summary: "Everyone knows the story of the door that comes to the desperate. The door that appears out of nowhere and seemingly leads to salvation from the pain of the present."No one has ever walked through the door."[After all of it - after the rockfall, after the cave, after Madara, Obito is desperate. He has nowhere to go and no one to turn to.So when the door appears, he hardly has a reason to not pay the price and step through.Right?]





	the door is open, but the toll is still unpaid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SmilingCheshire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmilingCheshire/gifts).



> For the wonderful and talented Ches!! I love you and I'm so so sorry this is late!!
> 
> [Note: If you see this work on any app or website outside of AO3 or any of the accounts listed in my profile, then it is being used without my consent and I heavily implore you to not support that app or website. Thank you.]

Everyone knows the story of the door that comes to the desperate. The door that appears out of nowhere and seemingly leads to salvation from the pain of the present.

No one has ever walked through the door.

At least, no one that has ever been remembered or recorded. The whispers that lead back to the few who the door has appeared to have spoken of too high, a price too great.

Something that is too much for even the most desperate to be willing to pay.

And isn’t that a terrifying thought in itself?

He doesn’t remember if he believed these stories before... _everything._ If he thought of exaggerations or understatements or truths and stories left untold in between the lines of the tale. He can’t recall any of his previous opinions on the matter.

And he can’t really find it within himself to care. That’s not him anymore. That him was never... _this._

(The door would have never appeared to that him. That him would never get this desperate, this willing to _disappear._ Never would have risked everything this current reality has to offer for a chance at what _might_ be a better one. He had been stupid and brash, yes, but not reckless to that extent.)

But now, he’s here. He’s _this._ Someone - some _thing_ \- entirely new.

The door stands in front of him, tall and unassuming. It’s not particularly odd or unique besides the fact that it sits without walls or a roof or a platform.

(Nothing left. No security or protection or foundation.)

(He may be a fool, but even he can see the parallel.)

He reaches out, his odd (discolored, scarred, _wrong_ ) fingers brushing against the dark wood.

He’s already seen the door once. It was in the cave after the rock fall. After the world crumbled around him and he should have died but woke up anyways. After his team (friends, _family_ ) left because _he should have died why did he live why did Madara have to be there-_

He doesn’t blame the team for the desperation he had held back then, of course. He hadn’t then and he doesn’t now. He should have died - he had thought himself too far to be saved, too thoroughly buried under the rubble to ever see the light of day again. If they had done anything else besides leave him, they wouldn’t have just been risking a _serious_ reprimand, but also their _lives._

He’d rather exist like this than have them be hurt.

He had felt the wood of the door then. Placed his fingers on the smooth wood, then his palm, and then his forehead until it was mostly supporting him. He had grabbed the knob with his flesh hand and cried and thought he was willing to pay any price if it meant escape from the hell he had woken up in.

But he hadn’t. Hadn’t paid any prices or opened the door or even turned the knob. He hadn’t committed.

Because his family was still out there, alive and waiting. How could he leave them behind? How could he risk it all, pay a price that would surely cost everything he had left only to end up in a world without them?

Salvation wouldn’t be salvation without sensei or Rin or Kakashi. It just _wouldn’t_ be.

So, he had shifted his weight again and hobbled away, letting it disappear behind him as mysteriously as it had appeared. Even if he was nothing more than a ghost to them, a name on some gravestone or memorial or something to the dead of war, he couldn’t leave them. He just _couldn’t._

It’s stupid and sentimental, but he just couldn’t.

But now, it’s different. Now he’s escaped that cave and the words of an ancestor that _should be dead, just like him_ and the ever-watching eyes of the zetsus. Now he’s standing in the forest, somewhat steady and breathing fresh air and letting the fragments of sunlight that manages to push through the leaves of the canopy above him attempt to warm him up.

It doesn’t work, of course. He’s cold all the time now. Has been ever since half his body got crushed and replaced.

His family’s still out there, alive. They’re still okay as far as he knows - and he _does_ know, because if something was wrong, he thinks he would know. Thinks something would tell him.

And if they’re alive, that means they’re together. That means they’re still out there somewhere, breathing and fighting and laughing and being strong, _together._

And that’s the problem, isn’t it? They’re safe, secure without his presence being necessary. Guarded without him being there, because sensei’s brilliant and Kakashi’s skilled and Rin’s stubborn.

Why would they need _him?_ Someone who is from a family known for their dojutsu that only has one eye? Someone who has some incredible, legendary ability lying dormant in half of his body, and has _no idea_ how to utilize it?

Someone who managed to escape, but with only half his body and none of his mind?

Nothing. They don’t need him. Not anymore, if they ever had. He’s not the prodigy or the heart or the brilliant mind. He was always the late fool that was too loud and distracted. He had never been a necessary piece like the other three.

It was his own fault. He had fallen in love. Everyone knew that people in their profession don’t have happy endings unless they leave. He should have known better. _He should have known better._

But then again, he had always been the fool, right?

So here he is again, his hand on the smooth wood of the door while the other one drifts towards the knob. He can stand up without leaning against it, this time. It’s almost _worse,_ though, because at least when he was hobbling on one leg he was being supported by himself and not some science experiment stitched to him by a madman in a cave.

He’s even more desperate now.

But also less at the same time. Because when you have nothing left, have become numb to it all, what is there to be desperate _for?_

But at the same time, he’s clinging. Holding onto life without a purpose for some reason he isn’t even aware of.

He’s a contradiction in fool’s clothing with a heart unfit for the duty he was born into.

 _And desperate to the core,_ he thinks with a humorless smile, tapping the door consideringly.

He wonders briefly what the price could possibly be. There’s nothing he wouldn’t pay for an escape right now. He’s lost his body and his mind and his heart. Anything he could give - which is admittedly so little right now - he is willing to lose.

He draws in a breath, lets it out slowly, and then opens the door and steps through without pause.

(He hopes the team will remember him favorably, rather than as a fool.)

For a moment, he doesn’t recognize where he is. It’s a second of sheer unfamiliarity that should throw him off balance, but doesn’t because he has _nothing_ left to lose besides his life.

Or, at least, he thinks. But then he turns and sees the back of a familiar silver-haired boy, standing only a couple steps away from his own door.

He sees and realizes that he’s in the graveyard of his home, and that the boy stepping forwards and grasping the knob of his own desperate door is none other than _Kakashi._

 _“Convince him to stay,”_ a voice in the wind whispers into his ears, into his head. It’s gentle and unrecognizable but also familiar at the same time. _“Make him stay and you may go.”_

Kakashi turns the knob.

“Stop,” His voice sounds loudly, slicing across the silence like a kunai through brush. He speaks before thinking, _can’t_ think, because he doesn’t have _time_ because if he hesitates _Kakashi is going to leave._

Kakashi freezes in place, stiff and tense, before spinning around as quick as a lightning strike. His singular dark eye meets Obito’s own one and there’s a moment that he sees more emotion there than Obito ever saw in all their years of training together, talking together, _being_ together.

Then, it hardens and turns emotionless.

“So the rumors were right about something,” Kakashi says, his voice far too empty. “But that doesn’t matter. You can’t change my mind.”

That’s when Obito understands.

Understands that the rumored apparitions were correct in a way. That the whispers that the door was said to conjure a genjutsu-like figure, a familiar face that couldn’t possibly be there, to dissuade were not incorrect like he had initially assumed.

That one had not come for him because he _was_ it.

Understood that this is his payment if he wishes to leave.

(The one thing that could be the price that might break down his resolve - Kakashi. Because sensei was always too lofty of a goal, too intelligent and too kind. Because Rin was too sweet and too much of a healer to recognize that Obito’s soul was now stained beyond repair. Because he would be able to steel himself through them because Minato was too untouchable and Rin too unattainable.)

(But _Kakashi?_ The boy with a past stained in dishonor and could hide behind layers of masks but somehow still let Obito underneath his skin? That called him an idiot and dead last but also came back and protected Obito when he would have been in the right to leave him behind?)

(The boy he gave his eye to, because he trusted Kakashi more than anyone else to be able to see the future for him?)

“What about all that you’re leaving behind?” Obito asks, feeling numb and detached, because this is _Kakashi._ Because Obito is stupid and a failure but Kakashi was the opposite of it all. Because if Obito’s gone it’s okay, but it’s only okay because _Kakashi would stay._

“They’ll be fine without me,” Kakashi says tersely, but he does not turn and reach for the knob once more. Does not turn away. His vision is still transfixed on Obito as if he was hypnotized.

“Will they?” Obito presses, not thinking of payment or prices as he steps forward. Kakashi becomes tense as a board, as if expecting a blow, but does not move or try to defend himself. “ _Will_ they be okay without you?”

“I’m just a tool,” Kakashi says cooly, “I can be replaced.”

“And you’d just trust _anyone_ with their backs?” Obito exclaims, angered. “You think anyone can do what you can? _You’d fracture the team further?!”_

“If it saves them,” Kakashi spits, his voice venomous, but also there’s an undertone of - no, that can’t be right. This is _Kakashi._ He can’t be-

There are tears in his eye. _Tears._ In _Kakashi’s_ eye. Kakashi, who was always collected, calm, and cool. Always silent and strong and steel. Not emotional or loud or…

Crying. _Kakashi_ is _crying._

_Kakashi._

Obito watches the tears fall, oddly mesmerized, as Kakashi continues, his voice growing loud and harsh and _raw,_ “I _get_ it. I shouldn’t trust others with their backs. But how can _I_ trust myself when _I got Obito killed?”_ His breathing hitches.

And Obito watches. He watches as Kakashi clenches shaking hands and closes his eyes too tightly. Watches as his knees bend slightly, as if he wants to fall to his knees but refuses to.

He watches. He watches and takes a deep breath. He watches as tears are falling from his own eye and ignores them with years of experience. He watches and closes the distance between them in a few strides.

He stands there silently for a moment as Kakashi ducks his head and wipes his eye as his breathing settles back down. He does not look back up, but Obito knows that he is aware of their proximity. It is Kakashi, after all.

_It’s Kakashi._

“So no matter what you say,” Kakashi says, still visibly pulling himself back together. “You can’t - I can’t - I’m _not_ staying. I won’t hurt anyone I care about ever again.” He looks up, and Obito sees resignation in his eye amongst the tears.

He doesn’t know at what point he had mentally decided against leaving, but this is the point where he acknowledges that internal decision.

He acknowledges that he can’t leave, but he also acknowledges that he can’t let Kakashi go either.

So he smiles - a real one even if it’s watery, and the first one in over a year - fondly and just says a single word.

“Crybaby.”

Kakashi’s eye widens, and he reaches out softly to snatch Obito’s wrist.

Kakashi’s wearing gloves, but it’s still the first time since that rock fall that Obito feels warm.

“Obito?” Kakashi breathes, his voice just above a whisper and full of dangerous hope.

“The price was too high for me to go,” Obito says, tears streaming down half of his face. “I couldn’t...I couldn’t leave any of you. I couldn’t leave _you.”_

Kakashi stares, before muttering, “Idiot,” and pulls Obito in, wrapping his arms around him and breaking down once more.

And Obito hadn’t lied, because the cost _had_ been too high. Because the cost wasn’t just talking to Kakashi, or convincing him to stay.

The cost would have been convincing Kakashi to stay in reality, and then _leaving him here._

And that...that wasn’t an option for Obito. He couldn’t do that. Not to Kakashi.

So he stands there and holds Kakashi and lets himself be held in turn. He stands there and feels warmth settle in his bones and a burden lift off of his back and cries and cries and cries and-

And he stays.

* * *

Later, when the sun has set and they’re both still standing together but not technically embracing even if the distance between them is minute, Obito says, “I’m not...I’m not the Obito you lost. I’m-”

“I don’t care.” Kakashi interrupts. “I’m not the Kakashi you left behind.”

“But-”

“I said _I don’t care,_ idiot,” Kakashi repeats, his voice lacking fire. “We’ll...We’ll manage. Somehow.”

“We’ll manage.” Obito echoes, before chuckling. “I never saw you as an optimist, Bakashi.”

“I’m not,” Kakashi immediately protests, before pausing. “But...well, that’s about all we have left, isn’t it?”

Obito rolls his eye. “Idiot,” He says, slinging an arm around Kakashi’s shoulder. The smaller boy makes an offended sound but does not move away. “We have each other.”

“We have each other?” Kakashi repeats, disbelief in his own voice, and he starts to half-heartedly attempt to get out of Obito’s grasp. It’s clear that he’s not really trying, because if he was he _would_. “Let me go. You’re getting sentimental. I didn’t agree to that.”

“Too little too late.” Obito sing-songs, “You’re stuck with me, Bakashi.”

Instead of quipping, or insulting, or anything that he would have done over a year ago, Kakashi just sighs (dare he say _fondly?)_ and stops ‘struggling’ and leans into Obito’s hold.

“I guess I am.” He says, looking up at Obito. “And I guess there are worse options.”

“‘Course there is. You could be stuck with Madara. Let me tell you - it’s not fun.”

“Of course it wouldn’t be - _wait.”_

“Oh, yeah. About that-”

“Obito, _what?!”_

* * *

It takes a lot of quick explanations and promises of details and reports at a later date for Kakashi to let that one go for the time being. It takes a while, and the sun has set.

They leave Konoha’s graveyard behind in the dark, all the ghosts and doors with it.

Neither of them are desperate anymore. They’ve both found hope in the shape of a person, and have gripped it tightly and used it as a rope to climb back to the light with. They’re both scarred and hurt and ruined in their own little ways, but they’ve both come back to solid ground.

They’ve got security and protection and foundation.

They’ve got everything those desperate doors do not.

They’ve got _each other._

* * *

“You love him, don’t you?”

Obito spins around when he hears the familiar feminine voice, and blinks at Rin’s sudden appearance. The flower that had been sprouting in his hand withers slightly, but doesn’t fully die, so that’s a win.

“What?” He asks, caught off-guard. How _does_ she manage to sneak up on him, even after all this time?

“Kakashi. You love him, don’t you?” She asks, brushing the hair out of her face. She’s really beautiful and talented and he wishes it hadn’t taken him to almost-die, get stuck in a cave for a year with Madara, and a year of therapy for him to finally ask her out.

(He’s glad she said yes after it all, though. Don’t get him wrong - he’s learned how to be grateful for the little things.)

Wait, _what_ did she just say?

His mind does a complete stop as her words and their meaning register. He blinks a few times.

He can’t lie to her, but he can’t exactly tell his girlfriend the truth, now can he?

“Uh,” He says intelligently.

She rolls her eyes and walks over to where he’s sitting and sits down beside him. He watches her silently, tense and uncertain.

But then she leans against him, rests her head on his shoulder, and he relaxes against his will.

He can’t help it. She’s so _warm._

 _Kakashi’s warm too._ His mind supplies helpfully.

 _Not the time!_ He yells back mentally.

“I’m not trying to trap you,” She says, “I just...I noticed.”

“Noticed?”

“You look at him the same way you used to look at me.” She says, her voice soft. “Like he’s some...unattainable _thing._ An unreachable goal.”

“I…” He can’t deny that. She would see through it in an instant, even if he wasn’t an awful liar. “I still love you, Rin.” He finishes instead, thinking that that’s a safe answer. “It’s just…”

“It’s just that he’s Kakashi.” She finishes, a knowing tone in her voice. He nods, tense and hoping that he’s not about to ruin everything because of some stupid _crush._ What if she-

“Obito, don’t you dare spiral on me now.” Rin chides softly, poking him in the ribs. He absolutely does _not_ squawk when she does so.

“Hey!” Obito exclaims, “I wasn’t spiraling, I was just…” He fumbles.

“Spiraling.” She repeats. “And it’s _okay,_ Obito. I mean, I’m probably an expert at pining after Kakashi. Just like you’re the expert at pining after me, or he’s the expert at pining after you.”

“I’m not the expert…” He blinks, her last words settling in. “Wait, _what?”_

She leans away and smiles at him softly, before her face hardens and becomes more serious and she adjusts her position to look at him more directly. “You need to talk to him,” She says. “And talk to him knowing that I am _fine_ with whatever happens, as long as you _talk._ Because this,” She gestures vaguely. “Isn’t going to work forever. So you talk to him.”

“But...we’re dating.” He says, feeling slightly dumb.

“You can date more than one person as long as everyone talks about it and it isn’t toxic,” She tells him, and _oh,_ he hadn’t thought about that before. “So go ask him to be your boyfriend or whatever. And don’t be too impressive about it!” She shoves him playfully. “Because once you do that, _I_ have to do that, and I’m not letting _you_ show me up. Okay?”

He looks at her, blinks one more time in surprise, before smiling. He feels lighter than ever.

“Okay.”

“Good. Now go! Our future boyfriend awaits, and if you take too long getting there I’m going to go first!”

“I’m going, I’m going!”

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is mutemelody.tumblr.com talk to me there


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